the other night a friend asked if I was happy
I decided to answer him honestly
"no I'm not and I don't think I'll ever be"
way a crossed town there was another
who spent that night burrowed under their covers
tossing and turning in the absence of body heat
i stumbled upon a well lit porch, i was half drunk and severely bored
we made small talk most of it oh i ignored cause I had my eyes fastened on your bedroom door, you gave me cigarettes I saw signals in your smoke, swallowed anxieties and tried not to choke, but you saw right through me as miserable and broke, so you moved on and I tried to let it go. days go by and I'm still self-loathing, what went wrong, I even wore nice clothing, feeble attempts at hanging out, you're so dramatic when acting out, but you're always wanting someone to see right through you. you know i do, though i doubt you see me too, cause you're full of distractions and I embody inaction, you're long division where I am subtraction
hey there darlin' yeah I know I ain't a man, but I do think I'm just as good as them and I know I don't have shit to offer except, I will never let you suffer alone
you saw me walking alone the other night, when you were turning left on your bike, shouted how are you I said I'm not alright, you glimpsed my withering frame beneath the moonlight. we shared a cigarette and I tried to make a joke, but my tears welled up oh and down I broke, I said, "'i'm so tired, I can't get no relief, persistent headaches and not enough aleeve, I feel so empty so void of all belief that i'll ever be worthy of anyone's care for me." to which oh you replied, "you know what you want, but not what you need, you don this plastic smile, but it ain't fooling me, though I think you like this cause it puts you to sleep, but I wanna wake you up and see you happy"
Now I ain't a goddamn fool I won't always be your only, but at least for now neither of us are lonely, a wheel barrel full of lessons to learn and plenty lessons we should learn, but at least we love ourselves and that's a hard hard badge to earn
hey there darlin' yeah I know I ain't a man, but I do think I'm just as good as him and I know I've got so much to offer as well I will never let you suffer alone
hey there darlin' yeah you know I ain't a man, but you still think I'm just as good as him and I know I've got so much to offer as well I will never watch you suffer alone
Crescent Ulmer is a singer-songwriter from Indianapolis. She draws from many influences and genres. Stretching from hip-hop
and folk, through jazz, r & b, indie rock, hardcore, pop, world, and punk rock, she pulls it all together to create a full and sweet acoustic sound that is refreshing and interesting to a wide and all inclusive audience....more